Saturday, 12 March 2011

That Twilight Movie...

Just as I was changing channels tonight, I stumbled on a local channel playing the 2008 Twilight movie, which reminded me of a review I wrote for my other blog on the winter it was shown in Korea.

So, I thought of posting it here:
(Twilight poster in Korea)

"Well, with all the buzz this movie was making, I had to watch why these vampires are at it again.

And I learned why.

Think of it as: 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer' meets 'Blade' meets 'Interview with the Vampire' meets 'Edward Scissorhands' -- all in one romanticized, glamourised, de-horrorized vampire movie.

First stop: Finally, a bunch of goodlooking 'daywalkers'! A daywalker is a vampire who can walk under daylight. Wesley Snipes in 'Blade' was the first one I can remember. But who would want to watch a love story between an African-American vampire and a white American girl with divorced parents? The daywalkers in this movie have style, taste and hot wheels, while Wesley Snipes had a long sword, a long face and a long....yunnow... vampire life! Ha-ha-ha! 

Second. Edward Cullens, the boy vampire, looked uncannily similar to Johnny Depp's 'Edward Scissorhands'. The pale face, the awkwardness and of course, the big hair! Not to mention the first name. But these vampires' make-up is all very 'Interview with the Vampire'-ish. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt were still goodlooking in their anemic faces and bleached fangs, remember? So are Edward and his clan.

The movie's main plot is all about the forbidden romance. Forbidden by a local native American tribe, that is. Wow! The Indians had a pact with vampires! An ancient memorandum of understanding! Ha-ha-ha! The Indians wanted the vampires to reconstruct the vampire foodchain. I can't understand that the fuss is just about the forbidden romance. Gosh, the girl-meets-vampire relationship between Bella (the girlfriend) and Edward (the vampire) - between a mortal and an immortal - is even less complicated than the joint custody arrangement between Bella's divorced parents! The poor girl had to shuttle between the deserts of Phoenix and the rain forests of Washington.

And speaking of shuttling, Bella transferred into a new school in Washington, where oddly, there was no school bully and no popular girls; only a bunch of vampire misfits who actually want to graduate from high school! Perhaps, they're determined to have fallback career in case bloodsucking requires a high school diploma. And in their hundreds of years of roaming the earth, they have amassed quite a lot of alma maters.

These daywalkers have golden eyes. Elizabeth Taylor should be envious. Hers are only violet. And their skin shines like diamonds when struck by sunlight. No wonder Bella wants a vampire for a boyfriend. Diamonds are a girl's best friend, or in this case, a boyfriend. She doesn't need to insert him into her finger. It's him who can insert....oops. Let's stop there. Ha-ha-ha!

As expected, to show off their super-vampire strength, the immortals can leap and run at Formula One speeds. The tree-to-tree leap scenes reminded me of Zang Ziyi's leaps from 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' while running away from the overweight Chow Yun-Fat, on the bamboos of Eastern China.

One thing you can learn from these daywalkers are the mastery on how to conceal eyebags. Just like New York City, these vampires never sleep! Yet, no eyebags! Ryan Agoncillo can learn from them (oops, sorry!).

Bella falling in love with a vampire is very 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer'-ish. But only for the 'good' vampire. We have seen this before. And how uncanny that her nickname sounds like the most iconic vampire actor of the 20th century, Bela Lugosi. Hmmm. How original. 

Well, it's okay if you skip watching these vampires. But if you don't, I tell you the big fuss is actually no fuss at all, even if you watch it during twilight, daylight, or no light at all. 

As what they say about some people, 'all bark and no bite'. 
In case of these vampires, it's just all about the bite."

* * * * *
And as my Canadian friend Mario and I drove through the Washington State that same winter, I was wondering if those vampires were somewhere jumping from one snowed pine tree to another.

After all, Forks, that town where Bella lived in the movie, was just around the corner.

And I thought, in case they jumped on us, fangs and all, they would be in for a garlicky surprise. Ha-ha-ha!

But no vampire, daywalker or otherwise, messed up with our road trip that day. I guess they were all celebrating the success of their movie that time, somewhere.  


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